i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
