last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
