I smell stomach acid.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Who died my cat blue again?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
