i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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