they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
