I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
