ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Text me some of your sweat
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
