Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
