Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
