There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
