we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
