You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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