I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
