Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
