You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
