he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
