Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
