i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
