am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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