drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
