yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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