$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
