if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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