He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
