would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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