She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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