all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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