I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
