We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
