Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
do herpes really smell.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
