I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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