apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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