So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
