Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
