woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
