either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
