I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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