Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
