your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
