Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
