Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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