no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
