friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
