I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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