A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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