Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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