Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
