is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
