I'm so fucking centered right now
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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