i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
