I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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